My New Home for 3 Months

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Day 78 - Gulu

I’m sitting right now in a primary school classroom while Amber and Trent give a business training. We are in a city called Ojulu in the District of Gulu teaching a group of 15 people. Honorable Betty from the Ugandan Parliament has set up these groups that we may come in a teach business basics.

The bus ride yesterday was anything but comfortable. These bus drivers here are absolutely nuts, insane, and probably on drugs. Luckily I was able to get buried a book, Deception Point by Dan Brown. I read for quite some time while I endured the bumps, the many many bumps. The bus ride was around 5 hours long and we actually had pretty good seats, I was pleased. Amber and I sat together on the second to last row in the back, just two seats together. We had window which made it nice to be able to breath a little and even buy some refreshments when we came to certain stops. When we arrived in Gulu I was stunned to see that conditions were worse even than Lugazi, I was instantly apprehensive about being in a new place. It was as if I had been dropped in Africa again for the first time and I was supposed to figure things out, it was a bit overwhelming. We arrived at Betty’s home which was very humble. We saw the girl’s and boy’s quarters, a little scary. Luckily I was able to stay with Mike for one night in the hotel that was actually pretty nice. I found out today however that I will be staying with the guys because the price of the hotel didn’t work with HELP’s budget like it had when we called in advance. This of course was a surprise but I’m willing to make things work for a couple of days, as hard as it will be.

They have now been explaining the BEST game for at least 45 minutes, maybe an hour. It’s going to take at least another hour or so to play the game. Thankfully the group is attentive and even taking notes. This training is much harder than any of us ever expected or imagined. We have a translator and everything has to be translated which doubles the amount of time it takes to teach the lesson. When my turn comes around later in the evening I’m going to have to cut down on my lesson, something I’m very fine doing. My lesson is on Advertising, I’m kind of excited to teach about it. It should be easier than most topics, at least for me.

I’m going a little bit crazy. Here I am only 4 1/2 days away from catching a plane to NY and I can’t concentrate worth a darn. All I can think about is getting home, seeing my Mom, visiting my people in NY, and just getting back to life. I really feel done here. I came, I did, I conquered, and now it’s time to go home. Because I wasn't to go home so bad the time is going pretty slow. I only pray that I can forget about going home and just focus on what we are doing right here.

I talked to Mom last night for about 35 minutes, it was really good, absolute perfect timing (I just killed a fly, they’re everywhere). I swear, a mother’s intuition is definitely a force I believe in, and Mom sure has it. Just hearing hear voice helped give me the strength I need to be able to last. We talked a little bit about plans in NY. We were trying to figure out what we were going to do the first night we got there, whether to call Maria to pick us up, stay in the airport for the night, or just go to a motel. We talked about some things she’s going to bring for me and most importantly what I want to eat when we get there. I want a FATTY slice of New York pizza, oh my gosh, it’s hard to even talk about it. She assured me that this was only a moment in time and it will be as if it never happened, I believe her. It’s just the here and now that’s hard to deal with. I appreciate my Mom so much, she is my best friend and has the ability to make anything in life better.

Being here has only increased my gratefulness for what I have, especially for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I have SO MUCH! I don’t know why I’ve been blessed with so many things! These people have nothing, and I mean nothing. The clothes and their backs and maybe a change or two, enough food to stay alive, a roof over their heads, and that’s it! They don’t have cars, huge houses that are incredibly comfortable, iPhones, amazing food, clean water, good education, NOTHING! All they have is hope. Hope that things will someday get easier or better, something that most likely won’t happen during their lifetime. Why were they dealt the hand they were? Why did I get the better end of the deal? The FAR better end of the deal. After all is said and done, I realize it won’t matter what I had in this life, only what I learned and the relationships I formed.

It’s night now and I’m in my bed. Like I said, I got kicked out of the hotel because they quoted us the wrong amount and it was out of HELP’s budget to keep me there with Mike, I’m okay with it. Now I’m living with the girls believe it or not. There was an issue where there wasn’t an extra mattress where the boys were staying. That’s when one of the girls piped up and said that I could stay in the single room with the mattress, I agreed. So, here I am, but not in the single room. I’m on the top bunk with Amber and Heidi below me. The paint fumes are pretty outrageous and I just hope I don’t wait up dead....er....not at all. I’m using the Deception Point book, my MacBook neoprene case, Seren’s blanket, and an airplane pillow to make one big pillow. The book is mostly to prop me up while I type, I’ll remove it when I go to bed.

Well, I survived one day, it was eternity, but it’s over. I’ve got three more days and then I get back on the bus and head back for Kampala, I can’t wait. I’ve been meditating and thinking positive in order to settle down and focus a little more. 3 days really isn’t anything, unless of course it’s 3 days before you leave home from Africa, go to NY, and meet your Mom there after 83 days; it sort of makes it a little harder. Tomorrow is Sunday and we’ll be meeting in a small branch here in Gulu. I guess they meet in a Coffee shop ironically enough, and there aren’t very many of them. It should be a great meeting, I’m excited to go. Stephanie and I want to prepare something to sing, we haven't decided yet and it may never happen, but I hope it does. We didn’t get to sing last week in Jinja because it was fast Sunday. Hey! That’s how I have to look at this time. Last Sunday seems like yesterday, which means 3 days will FLY by.

The fumes are driving me crazy, I hope I can forget about them and go to bed. I wonder if they are worse up here! Grandma would be freaking out right about now. I’m sure I’ll loose some number of brain cells tonight, hopefully not the ones I need. Time to read scriptures and hit the sack. It’s been a great day of teaching, I can make it.

Day 77 - Last Day in Lugazi

Well, I’m gone. Here I sit in a hotel room in Gulu and it’s over except for the few day that lie ahead of business training and planting trees. I will most likely never return to Lugazi, or Uganda for that matter, but I can’t promise that. Who know where life will take me, what plan the Lord has in store for me. One thing I know is that my time here has been worth every second. I know that I accomplished so much and it feels so good. I was worried in the beginning and even wrote in this journal about how I had to make sure I did well what I came here to do so that I would feel good about it later on. I can say with pride that I DO feel like I did what I came here to do and it feels great. Although it’s been slightly hard to see the effects of my doings along the way, I’ve been assured by Jackie and Ashley as well as those around me that I certainly have contributed, what a great feeling. Most importantly, I created relationships with certain people that I will never forget! Salima, Irene, David, Christine, Wilson, Isaac, all people that I will never forget and am so grateful that I was able to meet. They taught me so much about life in Uganda and the ability of theirs to make the best of it and be happy. As I’ve explained before, this is their life and it always has been. We cannot compare our own and automatically assume that their lives are so much worse off than ours or something like that, it’s just not true. These people are genuinely happy and I can see it in their eyes. They work for what they have and they are happy. I’ve learned so much from them, hopefully something that I can take home with me.

I’ve just completed the second and final draft of my lesson plan for tomorrow, I think it will be pretty good, I feel confident about it. Now my eyes are beginning to shut and I must go to bed. Until tomorrow, my first real day in Gulu.

Day 76 - Closing Time

I can’t even believe it, my last full day in Lugazi. It’s been 76 days since I left the US and 72 days that I’ve spent in Lugazi, Uganda. It has seemed like an entire lifetime and at the same time only the blink of an eye. The only time in my life I’ve experienced time fly so fast is in the mission field and that was a 2 year thing, not just 2 months.

I feel amazing today compared to the last 5 days. I’ve now been off the medication for 3 days and I can tell a major difference, I’m not quite 100% but dang close and I’m sure that tomorrow will be the first time feeling 100%. I was even able to eat the food tonight that Irene and Grandma fixed, most of it anyway. They really went overboard tonight and fixed so many things. We had chapati, peas, potatoes, cabbage, squash, pineapple, and passion juice. The chapati and squash were especially good tonight and I’m so glad, after-all, it is my last dinner in Lugazi.

I had a great today, a really great day. I’m super happy that I was able to be productive, something I haven’t been able to be for the many days. We did some cleaning up this morning as it rained outside and kept us from going to Barbara’s school to begin building the foundation. We finally left around 9:45 am. Amber and I started working on the foundation and David our guard showed up!! We were so happy to see him, me especially because I wasn’t sure I was going to see him again before I left. We haven’t had a guard for the last couple of nights because Town Counsel hadn’t paid David. To my surprise, he is here tonight as our guard, so happy about that! Anyway, David was a great help to us at the stove and it really went fast. We build it 5 bricks high, 2 walls, in 2 hours. We really kicked butt and it looked really nice. When we got done Amber said, “That was our last stove together. We rock.” And then we proceeded to give the rock or “bonga”. We snapped some pictures with David and Amber and called it good. I’m really happy about my last Adobe Stove and I’m glad I was well enough mentally and physically.

After the stove we all headed to town and Amber and I bought David a Rolex and a water, he was super happy and appreciative about that. I had one myself and it was pretty good, minus the occasional grain of sand. We ate our Rolexes while we sat at the Internet Cafe setting up a Gmail account for David. He was really exited about the fact that we would be able to communicate later on. I told him I would send him pictures periodically as well as the pictures I had taken with him. David is such a good man, he’s just a diamond in the rough. He lost his father when he was young, all of his siblings have passed away, and now he has a wife that lives in Mbale that he only speaks to twice a month and who knows how often he see her. I told Amber that I want to leave my phone with him so that he has a phone number to be reached at. I’m also leaving a bunch of Polos with him that I had purchased before coming here, I’m sure he will appreciate those.

My time has been well spent and I'm so grateful for the experience. I'm surprised that life took me this way, I never expected it. I'm sure glad it did, I've grown and learned so much, it's incredible.

Day 75 - Life

Today was the beginning of a new life, a life OFF the ARV medication that I’m supposed to be taking. I tried, I really did, to stay on the medication and be cautious about contracting HIV, but unfortunately I just can’t do it anymore and it’s now been 2 days since I’ve taken the medication and I feel SO much better inside. The last many days have taken a huge tole on my well-being and now that I’m off the meds I really do feel so much better. I’m still trying to regain my appetite but it’s slowly coming back. I’m confident that with the 0.3% chance of getting infected with HIV from a needle stick, the fact that Teo was negative, and that I got an amazing blessing from DJ and Jeff... I’m very confident.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Day 74 - Death

I feel like death today, and I’m not quite sure how to escape it. It’s a combination of so many feelings and emotions that I’m not even sure I can classify how I feel right now. I’m in a total funk to put it simply, and it’s not simple at all. Not only am I on these anti-retroviral drugs that are absolutely making me feel like total crap, but my nerves for Africa are 100% shot and I’m not sure how much more I can take. As great as the people here are, there are so many things that get to me because of our living conditions. No one really feels like they need to contribute to keep things clean and livable. There is almost no consideration one for another or for the house that we are living in. The family in the back has said a couple of times how dirty the kitchen is and one day they came in and cleaned it for us! What a disgrace!! I’ve have done all I can do without going to the extent of killing myself to keep things clean in the house. I’ve even proposed and posted a cleaning chart that I thought would help people stay on track and help out; didn’t work. The living area is a total disaster and I’m just at my whit’s end, I can’t do it anymore. I did some cleaning tonight while everybody just chilled in the living area, I was so frustrated. I found Irene, of all people, cleaning the freezer area and I just said to her, “You are not doing this, let me do this cleaning.” I finished cleaning and then cleaned the surrounding disgusting floor as well as the sink and the bathroom sink. Everything is gross and I’m going crazy. I feel so sick inside from the drugs that I’m barely able to do anything. My appetite is gone and everything I look at that has to do with food or the smell of it makes me want to vomit.

My plane leaves in 8 days 4 hours and 50 minutes and I’m not sure that’s soon enough. As much as I love the people here that I’ve been working with, the family out back, our guard David, and our cook Irene, I’m done here and I need to get back home. I’ve reached my breaking point, a point I never really thought I would reach. I always just figured that the time would wind down and I’d just be working until the end; not so. Ever since the HIV incident at the school in Baka village things have been going down hill. I started on the ARV meds and they have made me incredibly sick which has only amplified the fact that my nerves are shot and my patience has been tried. I never thought that I would feel like this, but if I could step on a plane right now, I’m pretty sure I would. The thought even crossed my mind that I could call and get my flight moved up and then I would just chill in New York until Mom got there. The thought went away as my conscience kicked in and I realized that going to Gulu would be an amazing experience and I would get some great pictures as well as learn about the people up there. I’m thinking about discontinuing taking the medication that has made me so sick. If I feel like this in NY I will be hating life and that is the last thing I want.

I’ve eating a Cliff Bar and a Sprite today. I just don’t want to eat. Everything sounds gross. Everybody is eating right now and I just want to vomit at the site of it all. My tummy has gone back down in size which is a plus. I’m hungry, but not enough to go eat the dinner prepared.

Day 72 - Life and Death Part 3

My nerves had been driving me nuts all day. The only thing I could think of, of course, was the stupid bungee jumping! It was so bad that I couldn’t concentrate at all today, and I was super honery the night before bed. The ARV drugs haven’t helped the situation at all either.

Church was good today, but long. Church in Africa is a little harder because it’s hard to understand exactly what they are teaching. Sometimes their english is a little hard to understand and it makes it incredibly hard to pay attention. We made our way to Ginger on the Nile restaurant to grab a bite to eat before we went to Nile High. I didn’t turn out to be very hungry as I wasn’t feeling very good. I ordered a bacon, egg, and cheese bagel with a side of fries and a Coke. It was really good food but was unable to finish! I was unhappy about it because I normally finish all my food. Tori G finished off my bagel for me.

Finally it was off to do the most feared thing of all. By this time I had been doing some serious mind control to keep my nerves under control. It worked really well until I was in the seat on the platform getting strapped in. I remember thinking, “What in the heck am I doing?! Am I really going through with this!?” Nobody really understands the feeling unless they’ve been there themselves. Being 154 feet above a large body of water knowing that you are going over the edge really isn’t a good feeling. We got finished getting roped in and we stood up. My heart began pounding and I felt like my head was going to explode because my blood pressure was through the roof. We ducked under the safety ropes and inched our way to the edge of the platform until our toes were hanging off the edge. By this time I was considering pulling back but the words couldn’t escape my lips. We dropped our arms from holding the metal bar above our heads and embraced each other in the strongest bear hug that ever was; I’m pretty sure I squeezed Amber so hard that I cracked her back. “And 3...2....1....” the guy announced and all of the sudden I was weightless and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. But only one second after falling I was having the time of my life. Amber and I started screaming, laughing, and hugging each other as we bounced up and down on the bungee cord. It was one of the most incredible things I’ve ever done in my life as far as scary things go. I was so proud of myself for such a huge accomplishment. The funny thing was that when we rafted the Nile over a month ago I told myself there was no way I would ever be doing the bungee jumping thrill. I have always told myself I would never do any type of bungee jumping or sky diving because was radically too scary and I felt like the risk of dying was a little high. In reality, both have a very low mortality rates and I shouldn’t really worry about it... but I do.

I decided that the first jump was so cool that it was necessary to buy another and get one free, for a total of 3 jumps! I made my way back up the stairs to jump again. Being strapped in I made my way to the edge again, the same as before. Only this time I was alone and I had to actually jump off myself. Again, I didn’t have a choice of whether to jump or not as soon as I heard, “And 3....2....1....” I did my best and jumped as much as my nervous body would along, I went flying, the rush was amazing and I watched the whole way down! Not a second did I close my eyes, it was much to expensive of a jump to do that! My third jump was even better. I did a much better swan dive the third time. So good that I heard later that people below including the professional jumpers said that I had good form!! I was really excited to hear that, it gave me a bit of a rise.

Well, I’m very happy about my decision to “jump to my death” 3 times, probably one of the coolest things I’ve ever done in my life and I would definitely consider doing it again in the future at some other location in the US. I keep thinking how cool it would be to have my family here and take them jumping tandem, they would absolutely freak out!

Day 71 - Life and Death Part 2

We had such a great day today in Jinja. We left the house around 10 am and headed for the craft shops. Some of the group went to use the internet. I got so many crafts I had to help people carry my stuff. This is my last week in the Lugazi/Jinja area so it was my time to gather some keepsakes and I sure did, I’m happy with my purchases.

Today was quite the relaxing day, it couldn’t have been better really. After getting crafts for 2 hours or so, we made our way to the Jinja Nile Resort and went straight to the pool. We were charged 6000 each to swim, we were very happy to pay for such a nice pool area. We swam for a short time and then laid out a bit. Trent and I did some reading while Jackie, Ashley, Steph, and Amber laid out. It was so relaxing, except for the fact that I had “bungee jump” on the brain... not exactly a stimulus for positive thought. We stuck around the pool for about 2 hours, 30 minutes of which I used extremely expensive marginally quick internet. Those 30 minutes cost me a whopping 5000 shillings, or $3.00. It’s so funny how things here are so “expensive.” But when compared to back home, it’s really not TOO bad. That’s the most I’ve ever paid for internet while being here, and I’ll never have to do it again.

I had a Coke on the pool side, it was refreshing. Coke is a funny thing, it reminds me of my Dad, so every time I drink it I get a flashback of some moment with Dad hunting and having a Coke. Time came around to 5:30 p.m. and it was off to Nile High. I was absolutely freaking out on the walk there, and signing my name on the release form really did me in. I had been contemplating the whole thing the entire day, and really the whole week. I kept telling myself that I was going to be OK and that I was just going to do it. We finally made our way over to the bungee jumping area, stomach still jumping like crazy. I don’t know what my deal was! I guess I didn't think I was that big of a baby. We went to the reception area, gave them our money, and signed our lives away. At this point I was really dying. A couple people went and then if was mine and Amber’s turn. We got up there and I freaked out. Amber sat happily in the chair like no big deal. As we were talking about going tandem, the guy running the thing let us know that because of our combine wait he didn’t have the right cables. He had retired a cable that day and it happened to be the one for my wait. I was actually really relieved because I just couldn’t handle the whole situation. Amber then asked me if she should just go and I said, “Oh course!” So she got all strapped up and made her way to edge. I could tell she was very nervous, she was hardly responding to anything that I was saying to her. She made her jump and went screaming all the way down. When she had finished and she was on the raft I looked down from the platform and saw her rolling around laughing the raft... so Amber. While I was a little bummed that they didn’t have my cable, I was slightly relieved at the same time. The guy said he would have a new cable ready for me tomorrow so we will be back after church to go... I’m nervous.